My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
