Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
