Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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