Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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