Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
