Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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