Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
