How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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