dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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