I wannas sexs uuuuu
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
