Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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