Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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