Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
