Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
