My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
