Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Operation Purity has been aborted
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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