I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
