I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
No subtext here. People are naked.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
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