last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
