i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you win again, gameday.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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