his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
