There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
