please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
