they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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