it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
