the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
