I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
