then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
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