Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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