If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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