if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
