i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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