it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
