dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
