people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
