2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
