We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
