The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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