If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
