I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
