the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
