quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
