I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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