just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
