I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
