So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
