I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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