Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Randomize
