I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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