You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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