I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
